Departure From The Ordinary – Sorta

I’m a regimented person. I love routine, and when my routine gets altered…I hate it. Maybe its a product of my military experience, maybe I have always been like that and the military only solidified it. Either way, I am what I am. This applies to pretty much everything across the board in my life, including things like the beer I drink to the places I eat at. This past weekend, I took 2 departures from my routine. One was successful, the other was a horrible abomination.

This past Friday, I was at Costello’s. I little Dago joint here in Fairport that has some killer food. Despite the fact they are pretty small, they even manage to have a decent beer selection on tap. Now good to me is good because among those available is my friend Coors Light. A staple in my beer drinking diet. However this Friday night I was feeling a little froggy…so I jumped. A new selection was offered…a Brooklyn Brew. Ordinarily I would have bypassed that right up while selecting my frost brewed goodness, however for whatever reason, I opted for the Brooklyn. Probably because when my pal Mark isn’t giving brain to Joe Mcbane, he can be found pimping beers of this nature. Upon first drink of my Brook Lager (I think it is a lager, what the fuck do I know about beer…I like Coors Light after all!), I I thought why did I order this dark, bitter tasting beer. By the time my pint was a half-pint, it was going down almost as well as a 2 dollar hooker (and there’s nothing wrong with that). By the time I had finished my beer, it was a surprisingly tasty departure from my norm. I didn’t order another one, and it might be some time before I order another one down the road, but it was nice to try something different and have it work out it my favor.

Continuing with my weekend of expanding horizons, I rolled Friday Nights success into another departure from the norm on Saturday. Saturday Evening I headed down to a local Target (tar-gjaaayyy) so I could pick up a new Nerf Football to play catch with, with my dog (and yes, she catches better than Peerless Price). This Target happens to be right near the greatest fast food restaurant of all time, Taco Bell! Bren had decided to take the ride with me, and was hungry since we hadn’t eaten dinner yet, however her idea of dinner was not pulling into the TB Drive through (and I thought she loved me too). Of course we had to have a mini-argument of where or what to eat. You’d never guess it, but I’m a picky bitch when it comes to eating. On top of it, when it comes to places to eat, I’m all about the bug chains that litter the suburban countryside. You know, Applebee’s , Chili’s , Friday’s , Ruby Tuesday , etc. Tonight though, I didn’t want any of that, and the Cracker Barrel was too far away. So while we couldn’t decide where to do I just started driving. Despite not being a fan of the small diner’s or Family Restaurants, I pointed my car East and started heading into 315 land. You know, the land of inbreeding, shanties, cars on blocks, its like having a country from Alabama transplanted right here in Western NY (and yes Syracuse…you’re 315ers). After about 10 minutes or so, I pulled the car into the Log Cabin Family Restaurant. Bren and I had been talking about eating there for over 2 years but just never made it. All I have ever talked too have always said how good the food was etc. Well, seeing as 315ers and Bikers are the main frequenters of this establishment…I should have known better. Upon entering, a chickie babe with a jacked up grill seats us and gets us some drinks. Water for my misplaced Brighton Resident of a wife and an Ice-Tea for me. We were seated on one side of the dining area separated by a wall that one could somewhat see over when seated. While this kept us away from the necks in the building, it also seamed to keep up hidden from our waitress. After about 10 minutes Granny Smith rolled up to take our order. Bren got the Italian sausage and peppers with pasta and I had a burger (cooked well done) with fries. Bren also landed a garden salad while I clocked a Cesar salad. I was thirsty so my ice-tea was going down nicely. Brenna mentioned that I might want to ration the tea seeing as I might not be getting timely refills. Bren’s salad came, but the chef was still putting mine together. Really? It takes a chef to dump romaine lettuce into a bowl then dump parmesan cheese and croutons on it? In 315 land it does. So, my salad comes with dinner. Whatever, by this time I could care less as I am pretty hungry. Before we start to eat, Granny asks if we need anything else. Well right under her nose is my empty glass of ice-tea. Apparently I’m not getting a refill without begging. That’s alright, she aint getting a big tip either, and I am a very good tipper. My tea comes and Bren and I dig in and my first bite of burger reminds me why I usually eat chicken and turkey. Little chunks of gristle litter my first bite as well as the fact the my burger is far from well done. I look at the bite mark I made in my burger and the mother fucker is so red it looks like its menstruating. After composing myself, I have to decide what to do. Look, we all know that food that gets sent back has unspeakable things done to it (look, I’ve seen “Road Trip”). Well, I decide to flag down Granny and send it back. She agrees that its not well done so off the burger goes. After a few minutes, it comes back. Beautiful, it was dropped in the microwave for about 2 minutes with the Kraft Singles piece of cheese on top and bacon and the Catsup I put on it. I inspect the burger while Granny said the chef was apologetic and also said that its hard to tell how cooked the meat is in the center. Really? So the chef doesn’t know how to cook a burger, or how to tell if one is cooked all the way through? Now I’m not Bobby Flay or anything, but I can throw a burger on my grill at home and I know when that sumbitch is well done all the way through. Granny leaves and I take a bit…it still sucks. Matter of fact, I think this bite exposed a tape worm! So, I ate around the outside of the burger. I wasn’t going to send it back again either. To Granny’s credit, she came back to find the burger still sucked and asked what I wanted to do. Send it back again, order something different. At that point I was really turned off to the place, so I just said it was fine. In an effort to make it up to me, so offered up a free piece of pie. I hemmed and hawed and said sure. Brenna and I can split it, plus I had been craving cheesecake for a while. Well, no cheesecake, but she had a piece of chocolate something or other with chocolate frosting, chocolate chips, chocolate all kinds of shit. Well, I’m not into chocolate that much, so of the other few selections, a piece of Banana Cream Pie was the best option. Granny drops the pie off with the check and leaves us to eat. The first thing Brenna notices is the UPS colored brown slices of banana on top of the pie. Sweet! I love pie that is like 5 days old!!! Needless to say, the pie sucked, my meal sucked, and Brenna’s pasta with a piece of sausage and pepper (singular and small) sucked too. The service was horrible, even with Granny trying to make things better. All I know its next time, I’m going to Chili’s – in the 585!

Origins of the Irish Flag, CNN, and the Buffalo Bills

Not that long ago, a buddy of mine asked me about the colors of the Italian Flag and if they are similar to the Irish Flag. My buddy’s wife is very proud of her Irish heritage (why I don’t know), and while they were out one time they drove by Delmonico’s restaurant here in Rochester and the flag out in front was red, white, and “orange” instead of red (which is the color of the motherland’s flag). I’ve spent a lot of time making fun of Kathy’s Irish heritage over the years, so the fact the Iti flag in front of an Iti restaurant was looking like an Irish flag because a great source of amusement for her and a topic for my buddy to make fun of me over. It was at that point I shared the history of the Irish flag with them and I will do the same with you good people. You see, the Irish people are not the most creative people around. I mean no disrespect (well maybe a little), but when the Irish cuisine revolves around boiling everything…creativity just isn’t in abundance. Because of this, Ireland was without an actual flag for quite sometime. It wasn’t until Shamus Patrick McO’Malley (a direct descendent of St. Patrick) was traveling Europe and found himself in Italy that he was struck with the idea for an Irish flag. See, he happened upon a proud, hard working Italian who was replacing his Italian flag outside his humble home. Shamus asked the man what he was doing. The Italian showed shamus that his red, white, and green flag that had been hanging for a few years now was faded from its time in the hot sun. The red had been faded as such that it looked like it was a red, green, and orange flag. Shamus asked what the Italian was going to do with the spent flag. The Italian mentioned that was going to properly dispose of the flag after he hung up his new one. Shamus seeing an opportunity here, asked the Italian if he would be willing to give him the flag as he liked the faded color look and would like to bring it back to his own country to display. (Its too bad that Shamus didn’t also ask for the Italian’s book of recipes here too). The Italian thought about it, and in a good faith gesture offered Shamus the flag as long as he took care of it. Shamus promised and was on his way. When Shamus returned to Ireland he present “his” flag to the King and to the people. He said he had a “flash” of brilliance and that these 3 colors represented Ireland to its fullest. The King and the people were dazzled by Shamus’ bullshit and the flag was incorporated and became the national flag and still stands today. So, whenever you see a faded Italian flag, just know there is some Mick around the corner just waiting for it to be replaced so he can have his “own” Irish Flag. So, every time you see an Irish flag hanging, just know that it was a recycled Italian Flag. Oh, and contrary to the rumors, Italians throw out their trash in clear plastic bags so the Puerto Ricans can window shop, not the Irish.

Now that I have the humor out of the way, lets get down to my bitter rants. First off, CNN . I get a lot of my news from CNN.com. I check other news sites, but spend most of my news related time on CNN. For the most part, CNN is a decent place for news. Its not perfect, but its not Fox news and its not NPR news either. However, going beyond their regular section for entertainment news, CNN has been putting direct links on the main page for people like Paris Hilton and Clay Aiken. Are you fucking kidding me? Look, everyone knows that Paris was in jail, that she is a skank, that she is a bitch, and that she is fake. I don’t need a direct link that is placed next to the dow jones report to continually tell me that. I don’t need a direct link to Clay Aiken letting me know he limp wristed some loser on an airplane placed right next to a link talking about global warming. Look, lets keep the news real and leave stories like this for the National Enquirer. You wanna put some direct links to people, how about some politicians like HRC , Rudy G , J McCain , Obama ? God knows the voting public can all use some edumacation when it comes to this subject! How about some links to people who do lots of charity work, or who donate time and money to good causes? To people who are supporting America’s Veterans ? Would that be too much to ask for instead of Paris Hilton? If I want my fill of skanks and sex I’ll pop in a porn where I can handle my business as well.

Buffalo Bills . I was reading in the Rochester D and C the other day that the Buffalo Bills are going to raise the price of parking in their stadium lots. Currently it is $15. While exorbitant, its not bad comparatively. However for this upcoming season they are raising the price by 60% to $25, well above the league average. You cannot tell me that the Bills are hurting so bad for money that they have to soak fans for that much money just to park a game. I know there are other parking options there that cost less, however lets face it…if we buy a couple tickets for the game for a hundy and a half we want the convenience of being able to actually park at the stadium and not have to walk a half mile each way. All sports are fleecing fans. MLB, NBA, NCAA, NHL. However the NFL is a fucking juggernaut that is making money like the Gambino Crime Family in the ’70′s and ’80′s. Surely they could do something to help make the game more cost effective to the fans! Surely the league could kick a few extra dollars back to the teams to help keep something like parking a bit more affordable. The NFL needs to be careful because they will eventually start pricing out fans of the product then the good times will no longer roll! In the meantime, between this, the threats of the Bills moving, Ralph Wilson’s apparent lack of concern of the future of the team after he kicks all has me pretty down on the Bills currently. Since Ralph seemingly doesn’t care about the fans that are supporting his team, I’m less inclined to give him my hard earned dollars as well. Guess I’ll just keep hoping that Bills games aren’t blacked out on Sunday’s.

Happy 4th of July!

Just a quick message to wish all of you a Happy 4th of July, and I also wanted to say this. Set aside your politics for this day and give the respect deserved to our country. You can hate the president, the regime, the democrats and republicans, war all of that, but set it aside. Paying tribute to the great land we all live in has nothing to do with politics. It’s this great land and all that have come before us and all that are here now that allow us to have the opinions we do. Do the things we do. Afford us the opportunities we have. We live in a land of wide open spaces, a land with large metropolis’ and immense beauty. We live in a land that is diverse, that works for us, that supports our way of life. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t take for granted all those that have served this country and have helped shape this great land. Enjoy the 4th. Enjoy the great land we live in. And don’t take it for granted.

NYC, The Mets, The Daddies, Marky Mark, Hockey its a Corucopia of Topics For Your Reading Pleasure!

The past week was a pretty busy one for the Don. On the 24th, I celebrated one year of marriage, or as I saw one year without having to go O.J. on the wife. To celebrate, we took a quick overnight trip to New York City baby! We had tickets to watch my favorite team the Mets play at home against her favorite team the Cardinals. We got an early start on the 25th and made good time to the big city…right up until my directions had me going across Manhattan…which added another hour or so onto the trip time. All in all, we made solid time once we got to our hotel in posh Jamaica Queens. After checking in and unloading the car, we headed for the subway for some good ole Americana cuisine in the heart of NYC. Actually we ended up in the artsy-fartsy Greenwich Village to get some good ole authentic Fish ‘N Chips from A Salt and Battery . The wife and I had been looking forward to trying this place ever since we saw my man Bobby Flay challenge the owner in a “Throwdown” on the Food Network. I ordered some Haddock and Bren had the Cod. We actually split an order of large Chips, since surprisingly enough there wasn’t an actual “Fish ‘N Chips” combo on the menu. I tried to understand that, but then again these are the Brits. You know, the ones who brush their teeth with a BBQ Grill brush and have no idea what a dentist is. Either way, a can of Coke for me and a Ginger Beer for Bren rounded out our lunch. Grand total…30 bones! Welcome to NYC! 30 bucks for 2 somewhat small pieces of fried fish, a “large” order of glorified french fries and 2 12 0z. cans of pop. Luckily the fish was phenomenal and so were the chips! It was worth the price for the food, the experience and to say we have been their.

After I got done washing dishes to pay for lunch, Bren and I head back out into the city. The last time we were there, we hit almost everything from Little Italy North to Central Park. This time while we had time to kill before the game we headed South. Brenna wanted to at least be able to see the Statue of Liberty so we jumped on the train and headed South. We got off at the World Trade Center. It was a humbling experience looking out into a big empty void where 2 of the largest buildings in the world once stood. It was good to see construction on the new Liberty Tower going on though. After touring the area we headed down to Battery Park where we got to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and enjoy the park itself. From there we rounded the tip and headed back north to the Fulton Fish Market and the 17th Pier on the South Street Seaport. From there we headed back into Central Manhattan until we decided to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. A very cool thing to do. Had some great views of the city while suspended over the middle of the East River! Once we finally got off the Bridge walkway in Brooklyn we hit the Subway looking to head to Queens to go to the game. Well, there was no Direct line between Brooklyn and Queens which was bullshit so we headed back into Manhattan where we transferred to the now famous from John Rocker Number 7 Train . Our stop, Willets Point – Shea Stadium!

It was good to be back in a Major League Park again. I was looking forward to chowing down a Nathan’s Famous. The only place a hotdog tastes good is in a baseball park. Unfortunately, Nathan’s just wasn’t up to par. I guess I gotta give Joey Chesnutt more credit for eating 59 of those fuckers in 12 minutes. However the beer and peanuts were good and so was the game. The Mets offense forgot to show up scoring 3 hits in the game while the Cards had 8. At the end of 9 innings though, it was tied at 1 as we entered free baseball! In the bottom of the 11th Shawn Green stepped to the plate for the Mets and launched a shot to right field. Looking for a walk-off, the crowd of 40K plus was disappointed as the ball sailed foul. No worry because just as we all had sat back down green sent an offering soaring into the night air hitting the score board in deep right field for a walk-off home run victory!!! Tough break for Brenna, but I was happy at least!

After the game it was back to the hotel and the next morning we made our way back to Rochacha. Made great time getting back and in all had a great time.

Keeping the busy week going, on the 28th, my favorite band the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies hit Rochester for a concert in the High Falls area. The Hesh in me was ecstatic because not only could I see the Daddies, but the concert was free as well. Steve Perry and the boys put on a great show playing for over 2 hours. Not bad for a free show. Keyboardist Dustin Lanker was classic on the board. My man was a spazz and great to watch. The Daddies hit just about every song I wanted to hear and then some. The best part about the show was the fact the Daddies didn’t dick around with the music. Its not a secret that I as a rule I despise live music, especially concerts from well known artists. Too many times the singers or bands invoke their “artist creativity” to completely fuck up a song. Listen asscan’s…I’m at your concert to hear the music that made me like you in the first place. When you start changing shit around in a live environment 99% of the time it sucks. This goes for rappers, hair bands, country artists, legends, rock ‘n rollers, everyone. Thankfully The CPD’s didn’t do this. It was a hell of a show and one of the best concerts I’ve been to in a very long time. Hopefully the boys from Eugene Oregon make it out to the East Coast more often!

Through the wonder that is Netflix, Bren and I watched the movie “Shooter” last Sunday. While the plot may not be entirely plausible, the movie itself was very good. This got me to thinking…Mark Wahlberg (of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch “Fame”) is a damn good actor. In pretty much everything I have seen him in, especially recently dude has been solid. From “Three Kings” to “4 Brothers” to “Shooter”, even in that horrid movie “The Departed” he was excellent. I remember being in High School and horrified every time “Good Vibrations” was heard. All he was was Vanilla Ice who didn’t get worked over by Suge Knight. Another white rapper who gained fame with the teenage girls of the time, but not with true rap music fans. Somewhere along the lines he dropped making records and started acting. Thankfully for us and to his credit he hasn’t used his fame as an actor to return to the mic and drop another “album”. I mean in a time when Paris Hilton is making records, it has to be tough not to hit the studio and cut a new record. As long as Dirk stays out the studio, I’ll continue to see his movies and give him the credit he now deserves.

This past weekend was a bad one for all Buffalo Sabres fans. Despite the Sabres choke job this year in the playoff’s, the team was poised to matter for a long time. The HSBC Arena in Buffalo is sold out for every home game and there are another 10-15,000 fans watching on a big screen in an overflow area as well. Canuck teams don’t even get that. A town sick and tired of watching their football team get mismanaged right into the ground finally had something to cheer for…until as I said this past weekend. Buffalo’s co-captains, both free agents left for greener financial pastures with the Rangers and Flyers. Pretty sad actually. All the Rangers can offer is a shitload of cash and not much chance of a Stanley Cup. Philly offers a ton of cash and the ability to get mercifully booed by Philly Fan after a bad night. Stanley Cup not in their future. Buffalo however had everything going for it. While they are a small market team that doesn’t generate the revenue that the bog boys do, they have been turned into a solid team by Owner and Rochestarian Tom Golisano . He has turned the team into a winner from a team that was on the verge of bankruptcy and a move to some southern U.S. city. He helped to create something we can all be proud of. Even Hockey’s year layoff didn’t kill support for the Sabres like it did in several other cities. But this is bad news for the Sabres. Losing 2 of the best players on the team weakens the team. They might still be a playoff team, but they are no longer a Stanley Cup team now. Sports fans are fickle. Things like this will turn off the casual Hockey Fan such as myself. Like with the NBA, I was a big NHL Fan back in the ’80′s and early ’90′s, but the game changed…for the worse. It just didn’t capture my interest like is did before. Almost all Hockey teams are facing this, and this is why they are struggling to hang onto major sport status. Baseball, Football, even the NBA with its 30 plus million a year players can get away with this. Hockey can’t. It’s too bad that the players don’t realize this. If they don’t, fans like me will dry up and the diehards that are left won’t be enough to keep things going. At that point there will be no more 52 million dollar over paid contracts being handed out. Soccer on Ice will dry up, and NASCAR will officially replace Hockey as one of the 4 major sports.

I Got Your Notice Riiiiiight Here!

Last weekend I meet up with a very good friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I also ran into Bill Shannon . It had been right about 53 weeks since I last saw his ass. He was in my wedding as one of the best men (groomsmen, but they were all best in my eyes). Since then though, dude has been ducking and dodging me like back in the day when it came to playing basketball. I mean it turned into the running joke with my wife when Bill would call or text to say he was in or on his way to Rochester and we should get together later…then I would never hear from him. I’d tell the ole lady Bill called, were gonna get a beer later and she would laugh! Well, this past Saturday was no different…expect his British ass actually showed up! Hell, he actually stayed around for a couple hours as we had a few drinks and shot the shit. He even dropped off a killer new CD he made – “Bill’s Super Awesome Rap Music Mix for Summer LOL!” Its been more than a few months since I have given a decent amount of time to listening to rap music (new or old), so this CD was niiiiiiice. During the night though, we started talking about our respective blogs where he informed me that I was “on notice”. WTF? On notice for what? Well, as most bloggers have, B -Shan has a list of friends and favorite blogs on the side of his blog. It seems that if you don’t blog for 3 months…off you come! What a tragedy that would be right? Since I had just crossed 2 months without blogging…I was “on notice”. Yeah, the guy who makes a yearly appearance with a sack full of excuses is telling me I’m on notice? For not blogging? Dude is around less than Haley’s Comet and I’m on notice? And sure, the logical conclusion is that maybe he doesn’t want to hang out with me. The thing is, I’m the coolest person he knows…seriously, so that’s not it. So, since I’m on notice…up until I finish this blog anyway, B-40 you are on notice my friend. You’ve got 52 weeks to make an appearance this time!

Now, getting away from that, being on notice got me fired up to find something to blog about. What did I come up with? I decided to blog about people and things that are on notice as far as I am concerned.

Lets start with Yankee Fan . It’s no secret that I’m a big
Mets Fan and have been anti-Yankee for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that The Boston Green Sox and their shitty ass fans went screaming by the Yanks in terms of the amount of hatred I direct at them. I have even tried to lighten my stance against Yankee Fan. And it was working to a point. A couple good friends of mine are Yankee Fans…actual real Yankee Fans. We can talk baseball and it is an enjoyable conversation. They don’t go typical Yankee Fan and become obnoxious shit talking cocksucking ill informed assholes. I never have to hear these guys talk about “yea well 26 championships bitch!” and other BS like that. A couple of weeks ago however, things started changing back to what they were. All year long the Yanks have been in the crapper while the Mets have been riding high. And of course asshole Yankee Fan would still take a run with whatever they could dig up for excuses…they were always tame. Then, shortly after the Mets took 2 of 3 from the Yanks in a weekend series the 2 teams fortunes exchanged. Since then, the Mets have been in the shit house while the Yanks are riding the wave. This is fine. As a Mets Fan its tough to watch, but its a long season and all teams will slump and have winning streaks (unless they are the Royals). This change brought out every single Yankee Honk that had been in hiding since the season started. The worst case is a dude here at work. A couple years ago he starting talking shit about the Yanks because he just saw a game and decided he had become a diehard fan overnight. Perfect. Well this cocksucker hadn’t talked baseball with me all year long…until the Mets dropped 2 of 3 to the Yanks in their second meeting of the season. The past few days he has been constantly running his sewer and he is lucky that I need this job, because I would love to drop a few teeth out of his head so his smile can fit in with the rest of the bleacher bums. Yankee Fan, you are on notice. I understand that Yankee fandom is like a disease, but don’t let it take over your senses. Be legit, real fans and we will all co-exist a lot better.

Next up are people asking for money. I’m not talking about friends or family, but strangers. A couple days ago I went over to Subway for lunch (save the Jared comments as well Mark). As I get out of my car, I have some dude coming up to me asking if I have a gas can. Yeah sure, I keep it in my back pocket. Not to be dismayed, this stranger then proceeds to tell me that he ran out of gas, his 47 children are in the car and can I give him a ride to the gas station (that was a stones throw away). I actually politely tell him I’m on lunch from my J-O-B, and need to get back after I grab a sammich. Now stranger guy starts to whine about “don’t nobody help anybody in the city”. No shit, that’s why I live in the suburbs scumbag. At this point, the good Samaritan in me does want to help and he says he needs $3.64 for a gas can. How he will have money for gas after I don’t know, but I reach into my wallet and notice a few $20′s and a few one dollar bills. Mr. stranger guy is telling me he aint a bum and he works and has a family and he is gonna kill his 19 year old son for leaving the car on E etc. Now I’m just looking to gladly pay 3 bones to get this guy out of my hair. So, I reach in and give him 3 dollars. He said he will make up the difference then gives me like .23 cents back. Now I’m confused as he counts the dollars and says “there is only 3 here, I need $3.64″. He said it with attitude which pissed me off. This fucker should be washing my windshield, offering me oral, something. I tell him I need MY MONEY to buy MY LUNCH as well. I give him his change back and say I’ll give you some quarters. I go back to the car, dig out .75 cents and turn to give it to him and this fucking asshole is already crossing the street on his way back to his “family”. So this mother fucker came to me needing help. I give him free of charge some of my hard earned money to which he gets an attitude because its “not enough”, and then when I try to give him more he just leaves. Not even a thank you? Its too ba D this asshole didn’t get hit by a car crossing the street. Best believe I would have gotten my 3 bucks back before I called 911. People asking for money…you bitches are on notice.

Hot Chick – You are on notice. It seems that after one of my last blogs, a hot chick who I was unaware that was a reader of my blog (boosting my readership up to 4), agreed with yet took some exception to my hot chick in the work place blog. Wow. I feel like Jeru The Damaja 5 minutes after a women’s rights group first heard “Da Bitches”. Let me clarify with my version of “Me or the Papes”. Not all hot chicks are useless (eye candy aspect not withstanding). Like anyone else, they can be hard working, motivated, and stand on their own two feet. However, as mentioned in my blog, there are those that just have it made. All my examples were taken from actual events here at my job involving “hot chick”. In a different situation it might be different, but in this environment (full of dudes, old bags, little if any competition), she flat out has it made. As a disclaimer, let me also add that being a hot chick doesn’t mean the girlie is dumb, helpless, lazy or whatever. But you all know you feel me with what I’m saying. So hot chick, my blog isn’t about all hot chicks, I’m not Guru, so don’t take it personal.

Rochester Soccer is officially on notice. The great city of Rochester NY is known for many things. Its Lilacs. Its history of big business like Xerox and Kodak. Its blend of cultures. Its ability to support several different types of minor league sports franchises. It is also known for a horrible economy. For people leaving the city. For the big business like Kodak and Xerox downsizing and laying off tens of thousands of people. Along these same disappointing lines, Rochester has also been known as a Soccer hotbed. One of the only few areas in this wonderful country that can claim that designation. Luckily here in mid-2007, that designation is in jeopardy. After a struggle to get their own stadium (that included possibly tearing up part of and redesigning the wonder park the baseball Redwings play in, the Rhinos landed their own stadium. Soccer talk in Rochester was at an all time high! Now, fast forward a couple years and Soccer is on the ropes in this great city. If you have read my past blogs on the Rhinos, you know what I think of their stadium. It looks like the Green Giant took a big green and yellow aluminum shit in the middle of one of Rochester’s hoods. The seats suck, the concessions suck, the amenities suck, the employees of the stadium suck, the field sucks, everything sucks. The Rhinos have gone from having 13,000 people packed into Frontier Field, to having 4,000 fans in their very own Soccer Specific stadium. Over the past weekend, the Redwings had attendance of 36,000 for a 3 game series. The Rhino’s game landed them the above mentioned 4,000 fans. Many people say the reason that Soccer is now struggling is because it is not being promoted the way it was. It seems as if the team thought the new stadium would keep the fans coming…guess not. Hopefully the Rhino’s and Soccer go away. They can sell their stadium to Coca Cola and the stadium can really give back to the community as we all slam pop out of the millions of 12 oz. cans we can get out of that thing. Soccer is down in Rochester and I’ve already started my 10 count.

Cleveland is on notice. Now that the NBA season is finally over, lets talk about LeBron and the Cavaliers. See, before the NBA Finals started, Cleveland fan was everywhere. Talking up their team, their town, their star players etc. Look, I understand Cleveland has a complex. Its one of the most cracked on major cities in America. I understand C-Town resident is bitter because guys like me never let them forget that they managed to set their river on fire…and after watching a show on the history channel, they have managed to do that several times! See here in Rochester we use water to put out fires…not to start them, but that’s a whole different blog right there. Since the opening tip-off of the NBA Finals, I haven’t heard a peep out of C-Town Fan. Look, your team got rolled, but you can still support them in public. You can still give the Spurs credit for the games they played. You can not go into hiding like a lost little girl after your team tanks. Its fans like this that give teams/cities a bad reputation. And lets face it, Cleveland can’t afford any of that. As the baseball season trucks on, and your baseball team is looking good you should prepare yourself for the inevitable C-Town. The Steamers are going to tank as well. It’s just the C-Town way.

Sopranos detractors, you are on notice! We are now a couple weeks past the Series Finale of perhaps the greatest television drama ever – The Sopranos. While Seasons 5 and both parts of 6 were nowhere near the quality of the first 4 seasons, they both lived in their own right and had their own style to them. As we all know, the series ended with everyone’s heart racing as impending doom was knocking on Tony’s door – then black. At first, I was pissed with this ending, but after thinking about it I was okay with it. First and foremost, there was no ending that would have made any majority happy. I myself did not want T to get killed…or even end up in jail. Some people wanted him dead. Others wanted him locked up. I’m more of a go out blazin’ shoot’em up type and was at first disappointed there was really none of that in the final episode. Even Phil’s death was somewhat lackluster…until I think about how most Mafia hits are…then it was perfect. The end, while technically leaving things unresolved (which I usually hate *see “Sideways”), I was alright this time. It allowed each viewer who has the slightest bit of imagination end the show in their own mind. Brilliant. Many say the answers as to what really happened are there. The fact Tony and Bobby were talking about dying and Bacala says everything probably just goes black…like the way the show ended. Maybe, but I don’t think Tony died. If he did…who did it? The black dudes that came in? If so why? The war was over, Phil was dead, business was to be done. The most notable suspect was the dude in the members only jacket. Again, why would he want to kill Tony? Who would have hired him? This would touch off way too many additional plot lines/questions and would not be a good way to end the show. If they are setting up a movie, I could see it, but with Tony dead and Sil a vegetable…not much there to build off of. One thing I think could be a good possibility is that the final few moments we were seeing life the way Tony does. Nervous that everyone is trying to get him or is a would be assassin etc. I think Meadow’s parking issues were just something to throw us off. Either way, we’ll never know. Don Cialini’s alternate ending would be something like this. Meadow would be having her parking issues. The members only coat guy would be doing his thing as everyone else would be. The Members only coat guy would walk to the bathroom get to the door then turn back towards Tony. As Meadow walks in, she sees the coat dude pull a gun and screams. We see Tony’s face fall down basically as fear and panic rush over him. Then we see the coat guy through T’s eyes first the screen shrunk then to full size as his eyes widen. There we have a perfect view of the would be killer about to pull the trigger when we hear a shot and see the guys side of his face explode as a bullet flies out of the left side of his head. Then the camera pans to see a nervous yet unshaken A.J. holding a gun fresh off saving his fathers life. Then we here a quote from Paulie right after Christopher became made. “And so it goes this thing of ours.” Done. My reasoning would be that somewhere in-between A.J.’s suicide attempt, his stint in the nuthouse, the Mafia war he was caught up in as well as the fact his father was still trying to help him out (with the new car and job etc), he snapped out of it and started feeling the reality of not only his world but the world in general. With the thought of harm possibly coming to him or his family especially as his father (because he has a deep desire to please his dad and make him proud) he starts carrying a gun just incase it comes to that. When it does…he doesn’t hesitate. I can dig it!

Well my avid readers, I’m back. This should get me off notice and hold you guys over until I take my next bitter pill! Mr. ShanahanLand, go update your mess. Enjoy.

The Imus Saga

So Imus got canned. For many radio listeners, our reaction is “it’s about time”. The thing is, what got Imus canned should not have been the reason. As any Howard Stern Fan will know, what should have got Imus canned was the fact he sucks and has no ratings. Matter of fact, I have better ratings that Imus and I don’t even have a radio show. Never the less, Imus calling the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team “Nappy Headed Hoes” gets him canned.

Look, the only reason Imus should get canned for that statement is because it is incorrect. The Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team are second rate Nags who were left out of the field for the upcoming Kentucky Derby. Had he mentioned that, at least he would have had accuracy on his side. Instead, he got tossed for his comments alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not agree with the statements he said. I would have never made them on Public Radio. They were tasteless and offensive. However, he has the right to say them just like we have the right to not listen, to tell him to shut the fuck up etc.

Imus has made a career out of pushing the envelope in his own way. He has crapped on everyone under the sun. Why is it now that this comment fires up Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson? Why is it that a 64 or 66 year old radio jock who has been on the air for about 30 years too long who has no ratings and a dwindling audience already draw the ire from damn near everyone especially Jesse, Al and the NAACP? Perhaps because he is an easy target to defeat?

Let’s face it, the comments that Imus made one time, are normal comments in everyday life. Most of us make off color comments like this whether we mean it, whether we are breaking balls, whether we are trying to get a reaction out of someone. As a HUGE rap music fan, I know that if I go pick up a Snoop Dog album, or a 50 Cent album, or whatever other shitty rapped is “hot” at the moment – their album I will hear verse after verse of commentary that makes Imus look like he was complementing these women. Why is it alright that rappers can say it. 2 obvious answers jump to mind 1.) Their black so they can say it against their own people and 2.) They are artists using their artistic ability. Really. The latter is the one I have heard used a lot and I think its complete bullshit. A rapper like 50 Cent is no more an artist than Don Imus is. Is Don not an artist? As a radio jock who has a show to inform and entertain is there not as much artistry involved there as with making a rap song about what a bitch some woman is?

I do know that the rap music industry faces backlash for lyrics, violence etc. but its minimal. I haven’t heard about Jesse Jackson organizing a large group of people to picket Def Jam like he was going to do to CBS. Artistic creativity my ass. I hate to drop my beautiful wife into the mix but she made a point last night that made me think she was oobatz. She said Imus needed to be more sensitive and that it was alright for say rappers to say the exact same thing because its their culture. Really? I had never thought that degrading women should be considered part of anyone’s culture outside of the Middle East. That’s like saying “Hey Snoop, as a black man you can call all the women you want bitches, hoes, sluts, cocksuckers, whores and its alright because you’re black and its your culture with a little artistic creativity thrown in.” However, when Imus calls some black women Nappy Headed Hoes, he is an old racist white guy. And maybe he is, maybe he was just running shtick for this show albeit in poor taste.

The double standard that exists in this country regarding commentary like this is one of the things in my opinion that is keeping the country divided. Also, I think the priorities of today’s black leaders are a problem as well. Being a white guy in the suburbs (shut up Bill), I’m well aware of far more important issues that Don Imus that black people have to face today. Its sad that 2007 we still haven’t all learned to co-exist, but I can’t help but think if Ole Jesse, Al, and others put as much effort into other things as they did getting an easy target old white guy with no ratings off the air, things could be better. If anyone has seen “Do The Right Thing”, there is a scene in there where Mookie’s sister (forget her name) is talking to Bugging Out. Buggin’ is trying to organize a boycott of Sal’s Pizzeria because Sal’s Hall Of Fame on the wall has only pictures of Italians. When Mookies sister isn’t down Buggin’ out says “what, your not down”? She says that she is down, but she is down for something positive. Making positive change. That’s a lesson I think we can all learn. Unfortunately I feel we won’t. Imus (thankfully) will fade off into obscurity and there will be no positive progress has from all of this. Like I said, I’m afraid for what our society will become.

Hot Chick in the Work Place

The battle for equality between men and women has been going on for as long as the world has been turning. Over the last 40 or 50 years as women have ventured out of their traditional roles in the home and crossed over into the working world, they have faced all types of sexual discrimination. One of the biggest things we hear about is equal pay for equal jobs. Hey, I agree. Lost in all this feminazism though is that one really hot chick who works in ones area at their job. And Fellas, you know the one I’m talking about. That chick you hope to get a glimpse of on a regular basis. The one who smells good from 300 feet away. The one who you and your fellow co-workers all talk about what you would do to her…if you weren’t married in some sort of primitive male braggadocio bonding ritual. The thing that gets overlooked is just how easy her job is, especially if the situation is right. A hot chick in an office full of other chicks with varying degrees of hotness won’t see too many benefits, but a hot chick who works around a lot of guys and or around a lot of undesirable women has her ticket straight punched.

To prove my statement, I will use an example from right where I work. To set it up, I work for a Communications Company right here in Cold Crapchester New York. The company occupies a number of buildings and I work in a long building that is mostly made up of manufacturing elements. The area I work in is a “secured” area with limited access at the west end of the building. We have a contingent of Engineers who we work with, but like I said, most of the building in Manufacturing. As one can predict, manufacturing (ie line work) and engineering are female starved areas…at least hot females. There are plenty of line hogs on the assembly line…however you don’t have to be Mr. Wizard to figure out how they earned their nickname. Along one side of the building, is an area walled off from the factory part that houses offices…or a cube farm if you will. Somewhere close to the middle of this cube farm is what is regarded as a hot chick. Now personally I don’t feel that way, but the general consensus is that she is a hot piece of ass. I think she looks alright, but she is about as thin as a crack whore with no curves…to each their own I guess, but I digress. While she doesn’t work for the engineering department I am in (she works with the manufacturing side), the chance to see her exists just the same.

Being a hot chick, they set her desk area and cube up right in front of one of the entrances to the office area. She doesn’t have a complete cube and only a computer monitor prevents anyone who looks from getting a full picture. I find this ironic, because the behemoth she took over from was always kept hidden behind double thick cube walls. Yeah, like the people in charge of this setup weren’t thinking ahead. So, right in the middle of the office area in front of a main entrance to the area we have “hot chick”. For the sake of keep real peoples names out of it, “hot chicks” name will become “Jen”. Shit, I feel like I’m writing a letter to Penthouse Forums.

So, Jen’s lot in life, at least her work life has got to be as golden as anything. She is a hot chick working in an area filled with dudes, most old and married, no competition from the women around and even the young engineers would might be game usually have significant others…depending on their persuasion. I don’t know how much she makes, but I am willing to bet for what she has to do or the crap she has to put up with, its too much. No slow down feminazist. I’m not saying she shouldn’t make whatever she is, but she gets the hot chick discount when it comes to work load and crap she has to deal with. I have seen even the most hardened, miserable, 30 year pissed off at the world employees in her cube with questions of getting help acting just as sweet and charming as can be. If I were to talk to one of these guys 5 minutes later they would tell me to go fuck myself with my own head and hope I would suffocate while doing it. Cocksuckers. I’ve seen Managers/Boss’ act like a mistake or money costing error was just a simple mix-up. If that was me, I’d be standing tall before the man. Anytime she walks anywhere, I see a bigger entourage following her than M.C. Hammer ever thought about having. God knows she will never have to carry anything over 2 pounds, because even old-timer with the thrashed back will be lining up to carry that 30 pound box of copy paper for her. During Christmas, she was in charge of decorating the areas with Christmas decorations and setting up the Happy Christmas Tree. Nothing like watching her up on a ladder and about 15 dudes below all looking up with glazed over eyes. Even better was all the dudes “helping” to hang decorations, hoping if they hung a few Christmas balls on her tree, they could hang their balls across her nose. Not a chance Fellas. The mass of people always surrounding her. The dirty old perv trying to get a chance to feel young again. The married guy who is miserable and thinks if he could stick his underused pecker in this chick all his problems would go away. The boss’ who think their position makes her want to try positions with them. The single, dirty, scraggly nasty dudes who think she would really get into playing Dungeons and Dragons with them. Sorry Fellas, none of you have a chance, but she will exploit the fact she can lead you all around by your Johnson’s so her work day can be that much easier.

You know, I can take this example to the extreme as well. Here in the Northeast, anyone who has tried to cross a busy street understands its like playing a game of Frogger. If you make it across alive, you have won! It’s not like being in say Los Angeles where if you walk out in front of a car, it will actually stop. Try that here in NY and the fucker behind the wheel will accelerate like he is trying to win the Daytona 500 in the final stretch. Oh, and I know, because I have experienced both. Anyway, my company has had to have crosswalks painted and marked on the road our building is on, because we have a large parking lot across the street. Even with a couple crosswalks, drivers don’t pay attention. We even had an employee become a hood ornament last year. Well one day about a month and a half ago, I was coming back from lunch, getting ready to play Frogger, hoping I would see the other side and get to enjoy my Di’Bella’s sub when “Jen” comes walking out of the building, surprisingly enough with another chick…a non-competing chick of course. She walks up to the crosswalk and looks and here comes a Big Fucking Ass 18-Wheeler. Now you know who drives these rigs. They are the dirt covered, raggedy John Deer screen hat wearing, unshaven, unshowered, toothpick chomping, CB talking, flannel shirt with the arms cut off sporting, thinking they are the sexual jackhammer they aren’t guy. This fool comes roaring down the road and damn near locks’em up so “Jen” can safely navigate the street crossing. I see my opening and make my move to get up to the crosswalk and cross in the opposite direction that “Jen” just did. As soon as I approach the crosswalk, truck driver guy starts grinding the gears and starts to roll so he doesn’t have to wait for my ass. Perfect. Not like this greaseball couldn’t have waited about 3 more seconds for me to get across the street. It’s amazing when a set of tits and the ability to bleed for 7 days and not die can bye you.

I can honestly say that I don’t give hot chick the time of day. Look, I hate doing my own work, so I’m not going to do some skanks work for her so I can get absolutely nothing in return. I’m definitely not following around hot chick like a lost puppy dog so assholes like myself can crack on me. So Fellas, watch out for hot chick in the work places trap! And Feminazis…maybe if you bitches were hot…you wouldn’t be so angry.

The Racial Divide – Divided As Ever

Nothing like a good race issue to get me interested in my blog again. Last week, while listening to sports talk radio or watching ESPN’s Sportscenter I heard a story that my favorite wannabe gangster on the ball field can’t wear his hat like a million dollar professional C.C. Sabathia of the Cleveland Steamers (see below) says their needs to be more blacks in baseball and that baseball needs to do more to recruit young black players. Really. Look, before you my faithful reader (and I do mean that singularly) go ahead and label me the David Duke of the blog world, hear me out here.

MLB has lots of programs in effect to bring the game of baseball to inner city youths. However they face several obstacles that the “crusaders” seem to want to ignore. In the city, basketball is king. Football is right behind it, but baseball just doesn’t have a solid foothold. Anytime I fly over the inner city I really don’t see too many baseball diamonds. I mean I understand they take a lot of space in space crunched areas (and don’t talk about football fields, because you have high school football. high school baseball cannot even come close to competing there), where a group of basketball courts fit in nicely. However, MLB has its program – Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) and each individual team also run their own programs as well. Short of forcing kids to play baseball, what exactly can be done? Its kind of like forcing teams to have a token black candidate interview for an NFL head coaching job. According to Captain Cheeseburger, if he was a kid watching MLB today, he wouldn’t play because he doesn’t see enough black players.

“They don’t see us playing,” Sabathia said. “When I grew up, I was a pitcher and I liked the Oakland A’s. I liked Dave Stewart. I was a big left-handed hitter, so I liked Dave Parker. You had Barry Bonds playing in San Francisco, guys like that. There were a lot of guys to look up to.”

If he was a kid today, would Sabathia be playing baseball?

“No way,” he said. “That’s the truth.”

I can understand that to a point. However, when look at the common sense side of things, if you have the talent to be a big leaguer, why not take it? Lets look at the facts. The money is phenomenal. Its not near as good as the NBA, but its a lot better than the NFL. Contracts are guaranteed, unlike the NFL. The Players Union is the biggest Mafia Family on the planet meaning you can probably commit a double homicide and get off quicker than Ray Lewis. Career longevity is probably the greatest advantage. Usually longer than the NBA and way better than the NFL. In the NFL when a player is hitting the downside of his career, he is entering his baseball prime…and his body is still in one piece. Longer career with greater money equals greater riches. If kids don’t see that or don’t want to go that route (if they have the talent), hey its a free country.

I know Captain Cholesterol runs his own youth league baseball programs, but maybe he should put more effort in recruiting his fellow black multi-millionaires to give back as well. Maybe if the black youth see these “few” players active in their communities and promoting baseball, they would be more encouraged to participate? I mean I don’t hear Justin Morneau crying about their not being enough Canadians in MLB. I don’t hear Andruw Jones crying there are not enough Dutch players in MLB. I don’t hear Glenn Williams bitching about their not being enough Aussies in MLB.

I could take this even farther. Since I have been referencing the NBA, where are the white players in that league? They are as few and far between as blacks are apparently in baseball. I don’t hear Steve Nash, or Dirk Nowitski or that other good white guy throwing up fits that the NBA needs to recruit more white players and open basketball centers in the rural areas. Why not? Because that would be considered racist. I’m just not down with the racial double standard. Everybody should have the right and the chance to play whatever they want, work where ever they want to work etc. I know its not a perfect world, but the double standard doesn’t help anything.

So C.C. Next time you feels like opening that sewer of yours, maybe you should try and throw a speed bump in-between your brain and your hole. If your tilted hat to the side might as well be wearing a fedora and carrying a glock instead of a glove ass wants things to change, then be part of the solution more than you already are, instead of just complaining about something. Offer actual solutions, not just lip service. Also, take a look around baseball, and other sports before you whine about the majority of who is playing what.

NFL Intervention

Here in Crapchester, while we are digging out from the 24 inches of snow we received over the last day and a half, there is hope. Pitchers and catchers have started reporting to Spring Training and by the end of next week the camps should be full (well except for the White Sox – not sure Juan Uribe is going to be able to make it). That’s right, now that we are through the most over hyped sporting event next to the World Cup (The Superbowl – can I say that NFL, or do I need to refer to it as the “Big Game”?) and the absolute worst excuse for an All-Star Game (Pro Bowl) are over, we can focus on what really is important. Spring Training and Opening Day.

Of course, there are you degenerates that just can’t let go. You know who you are. The ones still watching the NFL Network. The ones tuning into NFL Live or whatever it is on ESPN now that it is a yearly show. And worst of all, are the guys who are having wet dreams to the mere thought of the impending NFL Draft. That’s right, this is my now yearly electronic intervention for all you Football Honks who have it so bad that you are drooling at the prospect that your team might get to draft from so and so from whatever University.

Let’s face it. The draft sucks. Not one other professional sports draft generates even a percent of what the NFL’s does. There is a reason why…the draft is boring. I understand Football is King in this country. I’m good with that. If I don’t have to deal with Raider Fan at a baseball game, then my day is looking better and brighter. However, while baseball is getting started and the NBA and NHL are getting ready to make their playoff runs, stop wasting my time with all this crap about the draft!

I shouldn’t have to turn on Sports Center only to be bombarded with who the Raiders are going to pick first and subsequently sink that player’s career. I shouldn’t have to listen to Mike and Mike or John DiTullio and year 80% Football content with Mel Kipers latest draft predictions. Look, Mel Kiper needs a life. There is more to the sporting world than the NFL. We do not need 3 months of coverage on the potential draft picks and then an all out party on draft day.

Clicking on ESPN around noon on the day of the draft is alright. You watch a couple picks then go on to be more productive. You know, yard work, get your oil changed, bang the wife etc. However, if you live for the draft. If you plan your weekend around the draft. If you park your fat ass on the couch for the better part of the Saturday (and let it spill into Sunday) you are a complete loser. I don’t mean to be so forward, but its true. If you are going to watch T.V. where there is 30 seconds of interest followed by 15 minutes of waiting you are a complete loser. I know I watch some bullshit on TV. Some of which probably makes me a loser, however not to the degree that the NFL Draft makes most people.

Look, NFL Honk. Do yourself a favor this impending draft day. Watch the first couple of picks then turn on a baseball game. You will end up much more satisfied.

The Don Returns – Clips The Euros!

Finally, your Don’s long awaited and much overdue return to the blogging world. A lot has been happening since my last blog. My buddy Mark hasn’t posted a damn thing worth a few minutes out of ones busy schedule to read. My buddy Herb seems to have found a new spacing program for his blog…and he’s still talking about Football. Hey Willy…less than a month until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training. I’ve also gone to the Dominican Republic on my honeymoon, a week and a half in paradise. You think I think that along would leave me plenty of topics to blog about for some time…and it has, however one thing peers out above all else. Its not the days spent on the incredible beach. It’s not the ATV rides through the 3rd world country side. It’s not swimming in the ocean and walking along the beautiful white sand beaches. It’s not even about the resorts or the activities provided. To be honest, it’s about the Euro’s. Sad I know, but the Euro’s on vacation need to be addressed. And since I know Mark will take the link to this blog and run and post it on airliners.net, or take it to some other forum populated by Euro’s where they talk about Soccer and whatever other uninteresting things Euro’s talk about. Sorry fellas. I know the Europeans I saw while on vacation are representative of all of you guys…its fair game because that’s how you judge us Americans.

Before I start my battering, I have to say while we didn’t meet many people there personally; our neighbors to the North from America’s Hat were very friendly and good people. Met some nice folks from Toronto – They hated Quebec, so that made them even better. Also, the Brits there seemed to be or I was told were very good people. The rest of the Euro’s though…it leaves something to be desired.

First off, Euro’s love to stereotype Americans. I know this because I participate on a multi-national forum. Americans are fat, Americans don’t know geography, Americans this, Americans that. I have never understood why Euro’s care if Americans are Fat. Maybe it’s because I’m fat too, who knows. However I haven’t ever concerned myself with the weight of Euro’s…until now. She, while on the beautiful beaches of the Dominican Republic, and while enjoying the resorts as well, I noticed one thing right off the bat. FAT EURO’s. I saw fat French, fat Germans, fat Dutch, fat Italians, fat Spaniards, fat Portuguese, fat Swiss, fat Brits and even fat Canadians. I saw fat ass Euro rolling around the beach with his micro Speedo on. No really. Calling that disturbing wouldn’t even do the site justice. I saw fat ass Euro’s wife, the 300 pound behemoth sporting her ineey weeny itsy bitsy bikini which became pretty much impossible to see with everything that was hanging over it. Ordinarily I would be like “Ah salude, wear what you want to wear”, however when an American Super sizes his value meal it makes headlines in Euroland. Hey bitches. Americans are fat, Euro’s are fat. Stop piling on about something you are quite guilty of yourselves!

I will say that the Euro’s are much more liberated individually than Americans. There is not some evil stigma attached to sex (for the most part) for them. Their women will go topless and not even think of it. Obviously I encountered this in the DR. Of course I mentioned to the wife how I wouldn’t want a beach full of dudes staring at her titties, and she tried to tell me that they don’t think like that. Right – I forgot that guys in Europe are not the sex crazed hormone balls we are here in the states. Either way, to each their own, and even with the wife right there, I’m not opposed to stealing a couple looks at some titties. There is a problem with this though. In the time we where there, I say 5 – maybe at the most whose tits I might have wanted to check out. The very large majority of the topless chicks should have had a top on. If your nipples get confused with your knee caps…wear a top. If you are 70 years old…wear a top. If your tits are saggin and draggin…wear a top. If your chest looks like a little boys…wear a top. I mean I know it’s always the way. All the chicks walking around covered are the ones you want to check out. Not Grandma Moses to your right. Oh, and I know its all in how we are brought up and such, but I don’t care how I was brought up, I’m not going to want to go to the beach for a day of fun in the sun with my parents and see my moms tits dangling around. I saw several 10 year old boys who are well on their way to being scarred for life.

Attitude: I’ve heard how bad the attitude of American’s is. After spending some quality time with Europe’s finest, I can now say that the Euro-tude sucks. With the exception of the Canucks and other Americans, I have never been around a group of people who were as rude, unfriendly and annoying as the Euros. Hey, I know we all speak different languages, but the universal communication for hello is eye contact and a head nod. If a Euro made eye contact with me, it was like I was a great big pile of shit and that’s what they were looking at. No friendly gestures, nothing. When walking on the sidewalks, these bitches would not get out of your way, taking up as much (usually all) of the sidewalk as they wanted. No holding of the elevators, no friendly smiles. Nothing, I was honestly surprised by this. I figured that for the bad rap the rude American gets, that the Euro would be friendlier. I guess it’s just the Euro (Double) Standard.

Smoking: Apparently the ill effects of smoking have not been discovered by the Euro yet. 90% of the Euro’s were sucking down heaters like their very life depended upon it. It made Bren and I very appreciative of the no-smoking laws here in the states. Whether it was at breakfast, lunch, dinner, outside, in the hotel, at any of the bars there was Euro polluting the air with his or her smoke. Nothing like being on the beach, smelling the fresh air filled with the smell of the sea only to have it ruined by some asshole sucking on a cancer stick. Even worse was walking in the beautiful white sands of the beaches only to see thousands if not hundreds of thousands of cigarette butts. Perfect. Look, cigarette butts filling your cramped streets in your cramped apartments might be alright, but have some class when you are in paradise. How your lungs are not screaming for relief is beyond me.

Tipping: Euros are cheap fucks. Seriously, in doing my research for my vacation, one of the first things I learned was that you are supposed to tip the people who wait on you hand and foot. I understand it’s all inclusive, but dropping a couple singles here and there isn’t going to kill you. Well, apparently tightwad ass Euro thinks otherwise. In the entire time we were there, I saw 1, that’s ONE Euro tip a bartender that was it. The resort workers use tips to supplement their income. They make around $200 USD a month! And even in the DR that’s not a lot. Tips help hem out. We came prepared. We tipped our bartenders for almost every mixed drink (not beer). We tipped the dinner server, our maid, our drivers if we took any tours. Because of this, the bartenders took real good care of us. The maid always left fresh flowers and such in our room (not standard practice). Look Euros – If you can afford 2 weeks at an all inclusive resort in the Caribbean, your cheapskate ass can afford to tip. I only saw Americans and Canadians tip (other than that lone Euro). Maybe you cheap shits don’t tip in your country, but it’s expected if not needed here. Way to stiff the help who are living below the poverty line even in the DR. Well done. I’ll be sure to use this in the Euro stereotypes that are on their way.

Other things noticed while hanging with the Euros. The French language can sound nice. The Italian language sounds better. The German language sounds disgusting and extremely primitive. Nothing worse than hearing German Tourist holding a conversation at a high decibel level. I expected them to start grabbing sticks and rocks and start plotting on how to create the wheel. Sorry guys. Every time it started to rain, I wasn’t sure if it indeed was rain or it was a group of Germans holding a passionate conversation about something.

I’m sure I am leaving out tons of material. There may be a Part II to this. In the meantime, I would like my Euro friends to take this with a grain of salt and realize this is what they do to Americans all the time. And I’m sure the Euro’s will argue that most of my comments are not true, the same can be said about American stereotypes perpetuated by the Euros. To quote that fine American Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along?”